BREAKING NEWS: SnapChat just added a new filter and with it an extra $1B in valuation
Techcrunch goes wild.
If you live in the world of tech, then it’s often really easy to lose sight of who or what is doing well. Yes, Uber is a big deal.
Ah yes, that 3 blob company.
Colloquially pronounced “Bee – Huh – Puh – Buh,” BHBP is “a leading global resources company.” Vague, secretive, and full of money. In 2015, they made $14 billion in profits. To put this in perspective, Facebook makes about $4 billion in profit last year. That’s a lot of profits.
BHP Billiton’s stated purpose is “to create long-term shareholder value through the discovery, acquisition, development and marketing of natural resources.”
Basically, they do one or any combination of 3 things:
- Buy land with resources on it
- Extract resources from land
- Sell resources
Doing one of those 3 activities in Western Australia.
So to put it more simply, they collect rocks. And oils. Sometimes they dig up Uranium to “sell”. They also make 3.5x as Facebook but with only have a 50% larger employee base. They’re also Australian which means they’re probably rugged.
Like their Pac-man logo, they have a tendency to eat everything
C.K. Hutchinson is a gigantic conglomerate based out of Hong Kong. A year ago Chueng Hong Infrastructure Holdings (say that 10 times fast) merged with Hutchison Whampoa to create this mega monster of a holding company.
Before the merger, Chueng Hong Infrastructure Holdings alone made $8.6 billion in 2015. For reference, that’s considerably more than what Goldman Sacs made that year.
What do they do? Basically everything
- Ports (why not?)
Most notably they control Vodafone in Australia, Watson’s pharmacy all throughout Asia., and 3 brand telecommunications in Europe.
Think of them like that Monopoly player that always buys the railroads and utilities, for no apparent reason. And also they own the phone you use while playing the game. And ports for some reason.
(I want to high five the designer that bought this template and then sold it to them “custom” for tons of money. I imagine the conversation went like: “We need something that says software” “How about a red circle and a green dot” “you’re hired!”)
In case you weren’t tired of acronym based mystery companies, here’s yet another one.
SHI International is not to be confused with riffraff like SRI International, SJI International (as if), SAI International(oh please), or SHS International(come on). So don’t even think about it.
SHI International, formerly known as Software House International (Like IHOP but for computers), is an online marketplace where enterprises can buy computers, printers, servers, etc. It also sells consulting services and cloud computing.
If you weren’t in charge of buying computers for your company, you probably haven’t heard of them. But they made about $4.5 billion last year, which is a pretty penny, but of course pales in comparison to Dell’s 54 billion. Dude, you’re not Dell.
Do you really want to know about them?
Waste Management, Inc. is another good example of a mega company that, like the trash you throw out, you probably don’t care about. Surprisingly, Waste Management is not a glamorized industry (then again neither was social networking until David Fincher came along).
They, if you can guess, manage your waste. To the tune of $13 billion a year. For that kind of cash, I’d manage anyone’s waste.
(It’s possible this is a Tonka truck)
They run around 367 trash collection operations throughout the country with a fleet of 26,000 trash vehicles. Not that the vehicles are trash, but that they… you know what I mean.
They’re big, they’re profitable, and they would like you to stop recycling your plastic bags because they don’t go in there. You know you do it. Well, they know too.
Clean Energy Fuels:
Clean as in “natural gas clean.” So, still not that clean.
These guys operate gas stations. But they’re not gas stations you’ve ever been to. In actuality, you’ve probably seen the stations they own but immediately forgot about them.
Well, they look like this:
Unlike the sticky gas station you yourself frequent, these gas stations give out free champagne toasters & back rubs if you could only find one of them. Also look at that picture.
If you’ve ever driven across the United States, there’s a good chance you’ve seen them. They have around 500 stations all along major highways that only sell natural gas:
You know what you have probably heard of, though? There is this guy that’s famously associated with them and known for being “the energy man.” His name also sounds like a banjo band.
T. Boone Pickens:
Definitely a picture of T. Boone Pickens
While not as big as the other companies, they still have a market cap of $856 million. Pretty good considering they have 500 stations that hide in plain sight.
Yeah seriously,is valued at over $1 billion dollars
They sell a drug called Sativex that’s active ingredient is THC. So basically they’re drug dealers pushing what my mom still calls “dope.” The W probably stands for “Weed.”